Roz Evans and Kate Graham were there along with Andrea's family and friends - including Badger. They have both given permission (thanks folks) for me to add their accounts here.
Andrea Rouen's funeral was held on 20 June 2007 at Torquay Crematorium.
The funeral was well-attended by Andrea's family and friends and many who could not be there sent flowers. Her dog, Badger, was also present.
It was planned in accordance with Andrea's wishes, with her family's full support, and was far from conventional. The cardboard coffin was covered and surrounded by bright flowers including many contributed by Andrea's fellow students. The funeral director who led the service was sympathetic and professional and helped to ensure that the occasion was memorable for its celebration of Andrea's life and sorrow at its too early end. The service consisted of readings of poems, personal recollections of Andrea, music and a pagan farewell. The most moving statement was read out on behalf of Andrea's mother and described her strong character and sense of humour as well as a mother's loss. The descriptions of Andrea's unique character by her close family were strikingly similar to the Andrea we know through First Class. Roz Evans spoke on behalf of OU students and explained just why Andrea was so popular in the First Class community. She added that many of those who were not able to attend were marking the occasion in their own way, with candles being lit. At the end of the service messages were written on or attached to the cardboard coffin as a way of saying goodbye. These included pictures drawn by children in the family. There was also a booklet of personal messages from about 60 students, including the President of OUSA, who all knew her through First Class. A copy of the booklet was also given to Andrea's mother.
There was comfort in confirming that Andrea had been well looked after in her last few weeks, had passed away quietly in her sleep and had appreciated the many messages of support to her during her illness.
Kate
I arrived early at the crematorium having allowed for delays, bad weather etc which didn't happen. Those going to Andrea's funeral were immediately apparent from their bright clothes - including a multi-coloured striped waistcoat - and the fact that small children were playing with a black and white collie called Badger. Kate Graham met me there and we were walmly welcomed by the family.
It was the most original and inspiring funeral I have ever attended. At the beginning we were asked to go and look at the flowers on the casket at the front of the chapel to the music of 'Teach Your Children Well' by Crosby, Stills and Nash and I placed a booklet containing over 60 message from her First Class friends on the coffin. We were handed a simple order of service, with a couple of photo's of Andrea and a beautiful poem.
Claire - the funeral arranger gave a beautiful reading about the need to grieve and how to remember the good times, which brought both tears and laughter and then Andrea's brother Martin read the poem - I am glad you are in my dash - which I have attached. A poem by Andrea's sister, Sarah was then read followed by a recording of What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong.
Lorraine, Andrea's cousin, then read an extremely touching poem which was followed by a message from Andrea's Mum, Dawn, read by Claire - it was the first funeral service I have been to that included a reference to Terry Pratchet and large cabbages! This was both heart breakingly sad and wonderfully funny, leaving most of us in tears. I had the priviledge to be able to follow this with thanks from her 'cyber buddies' for her support, laughter, guidance and wonderful one-liners which were ever succinct and to the point. I mentioned the candles that were being lit at that time and I am sure that your thoughts were with us. We were invited to write messages or draw pictures on the coffin and then a pagan blessing was read - the words of which escape me, but I remember that it summed up the occassion and the person perfectly.
'Time to Say Goodbye' by Katherine Jenkins was then played - which reduced us all to tears once more - Badger seemed to go from person to person saying a personal thank you - and we then moved outside to look at the flowers and reflect.
It is obvious to both Kate and myself, that the Andrea we knew from First Class was the same person that those attending the funeral knew - what you saw was what you got. The flowers were wonderful - I had left a bunch from Vivien's garden outside before the funeral, in the place reserved from Andrea, when we got outside again they were surrounded by many other flowers - including those from the Cancer Support Conference, Dogs Conference, The South West Regional Forum and from OUSA in Milton Keynes - no stuffy wreaths, just arrangements, bunches and sprays of wonderful flowers. We had asked permission to photograph the flowers and Diana will be putting them on the South West web-site - we will send a link later. While we were all looking at the flowers a pair of swallows were flying in and out of the roof above us and sat on the rafter looking at us. Claire commented that as the casket was being put in the car, they left the door open and when they came back there was a bird, sitting on the casket, inside the car - how symbolic!
Kate and I declined the invitation to go to the wake, thinking it best to leave that to her family and friends and instead took ourselves off to Babbacombe where we walked along the beach with an ice cream and talked about the service and the wonderful people we had met.
My thoughts are with Andrea's family and friends, including the two lovely ladies who looked after Andrea at home for many months. I am sure that the funeral was as Andrea would have wanted - unconvential and memorable - exactly like the person herself.
Roz
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I am glad you are in my dash
I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years
(1962 – 2007)
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth
For it matters not, how much we own
The cars….the house…the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash
So think about this long and hard…
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before
If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while
So when your eulogy’s being read
With your life’s actions to rehash…
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
From my dash to yours
Live well, love much, laugh often
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is a mystery
Today is a present
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